


Let's Not Fall in Love

by ACatWhoWrites



Category: C-Pop, EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Crushes, Gen, Slice of Life, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25090135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ACatWhoWrites/pseuds/ACatWhoWrites
Summary: Love sucks. Nothing can possibly convince Chanyeol otherwise.
Relationships: Park Chanyeol & Wu Yi Fan | Kris
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Let's Not Fall in Love

**Author's Note:**

> Written for starlinialm on LJ as part of [Yeolliepopday](https://yeolliepopday.livejournal.com/)'s 2016 round. (prompt from a Neil Gaimin quote: _“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”_ ) I never crossposted it anywhere, so I went through and cleaned it up a little before posting.

Chanyeol's sweating in a dark suit at his cousin's wedding reception when he decides that love can suck his ass.

He slouches and tucks his hands in the pockets of his slacks. There's a hole in the right one, and he scratches his thigh through it. Across from him, the parents of the again-bride are sitting next to each other but talking to relatives next to and across from them. Their chairs are pushed apart. Chanyeol wasn't even born when they divorced; all his memories are of one or both being absent from family gatherings, so this is actually surprising. They must like this groom a lot more than the previous one.

Chanyeol is seven when his sister breaks up from her first "boyfriend," a kid who teased her relentlessly just to turn around one day and say he liked her, and that's why he was mean. Somehow, it made sense to all the aunties and uncles, who teased Yoora about it whenever she’d tattle or complain. She had pushed him in the mud, and they “dated” for a week before he decided that she wasn't fun anymore, so he didn't like her anymore.

Their maternal grandfather dies from heart disease when Chanyeol is in middle school, and his wife of nearly seventy years passes a year later. Doctors say there were complications with her medication, but Chanyeol thinks it was simply a broken heart. He can't say he's glad his grandma died, because he misses her a lot, but he is happy she doesn't have to live without the man she devoted her life to. At the same time, he's scared, because that's a huge hold over someone.

He can look at just about every branch of his family and find twigs to extended and removed family, as cousins and aunts and uncles marry, divorce, and remarry, declaring the same vows and breaking them again and again.

The scariest moment is when Chanyeol comes home after school to find his mother locked in her bedroom, crying, because she and her husband had a fight. Divorce was whispered about, but it ended up working out, and Chanyeol thinks they're more open with each other, but it still terrifies him what people will do and go through for "love."

He promises himself he'll never let it happen to him. He has his friends, and he cares for them, but it's not the same soul-sucking affection and infatuation fed to mass audiences in movie theaters and over radio waves in the newest music releases.

He's perfectly content by himself. He can rely on himself without question.

He’ll never fall in love.

Chanyeol reminds himself of his promise after one of his college roommates breaks up with his girlfriend. She graduated and moved to the United States, and they agreed that a long-distance relationship wouldn't work for either of them. Chanyeol thought it was a good move, but apparently not, because Baekhyun rotates between their beds in their shared dorm, alternating between crying and sleeping, for a solid week.

Jongdae is more sympathetic and cuddles with the blanket burrito when not in class, but even he can only take so much moping. Chanyeol just plays his guitar and sits nearby, just in case Baekhyun wants the company.

It's a Wednesday when Baekhyun finally sits up and throws off the blankets. He's been in Jongdae's bed for two days. "Love hurts, Chanyeol." Chanyeol plays a few chords from the Nazareth song, but Baekhyun doesn't even smile. "What am I supposed to do, now?"

"You both made a decision. Respect that, take however much time you need to get your face back on, and just..." He shrugs. "Move on, I guess. You can't sulk forever. Jongdae's sheets will rot before then."

Baekhyun pushes himself upright and shuffles the short distance to Chanyeol, flopping against his back and rolling his head back and forth along Chanyeol's shoulders. "You don't look all that wise, Master Yoda, but you serve some solid truth."

Chanyeol plucks the strings in a short nonsense song. He tilts his head back to bump Baekhyun's at the finale. "Here's some more: Go shower. You stink."

His friend whines but drags himself upright and grabs clean clothes and toiletries.

Chanyeol turns a couple pegs, tuning his guitar, but sighs and sets it down across his lap. It's been too long since he's left the dorm. He and Jongdae took turns watching Baekhyun in their own room, because Baekhyun’s roommate had transferred, and they didn’t want him to be alone, but Jongdae's been helping some underclassman as a TA, so it's been just Chanyeol for a couple of days, and he's itching to go out for fresh air that doesn't sit so heavily in his lungs.

Baekhyun returns a few minutes later, damp but clean and with a bit more bounce to his step. His clothes are tossed next to the rest of his laundry pile―probably containing every piece of clothing he has―and he shakes his head like a dog instead of combing his hair.

"Feeling better?"

"Cleaner, at least. I really was stinky; sorry about that."

“No worries.” Chanyeol shrugs. "Gonna go out?" He tries to keep the hope from his voice.

He may or may not pick up on it, but Baekhyun nods and stuffs his phone and keys into his pockets. "I'm gonna find Kyungsoo."

"He's probably in the library," Chanyeol warns.

"Perfect, then Joonmyun hyung will be there too and can buy me dinner."

"Pity dinner?"

"Still dinner." Baekhyun snags a snapback from Chanyeol's desk. "See you later." He stops with the door nearly closed. "And seriously, Chanyeol...thank you."

Chanyeol busily tucks his guitar away in its case, wiping imaginary dust from its body. "You're welcome." The door clicks as it shuts, leaving him in stifling stillness.

He closes his case, secures the clasps, and picks up his backpack. There are a few hours to kill before he should really think about finishing his homework, so there's time to escape the thick miasma of misery still clinging to the dorm.

Before leaving, he slides open the windows and locks the door on his way out. A few friends call out greetings in varying levels of wakefulness; Chanyeol waves back and skips down the short flight of steps to head right and walk around the building. It's at the end of a group of five―two male, two female, and one co-ed building. The meticulously weeded brick driveway separates the dorms from the university buildings, and walkways bulge out to encircle pretty fountains lined with manicured shrubs every few yards. It's a very pretty campus, but Chanyeol doesn't notice, watching his feet as he walks over the grass and kicks dandelion heads on his way towards the large gymnasium.

Its doors sit open, freeing sounds of sports practices and energetic music. Some students lean against the outside wall, breathing heavily and sharing water bottles and tips for improvement. Other students play casual games of basketball, tennis, or badminton on the green courts lined up in neat rows.

Chanyeol heads to the farthest court. It's rarely used, and the park bench outside the chain link fence sits under a shady maple tree, flanked by large flower pots overgrown with climbing morning glory that have choked out the planted vegetation.

Setting his case beside the bench, he drops his backpack against the metal chair arm and sits against it after brushing aside from damp leaves. He tunes the guitar again and plays through some favorite songs as warm up to some of his own compositions. His professors want a portfolio of music by the time he graduates; nothing seems good enough, yet. There's time, but he can't think of what is wrong with what he's written and has no idea what he can do to improve.

The basketball game in the next court ends when a really tall player scores from half court. They all slap hands and exchange sweaty half-hugs, parting ways. Chanyeol's looking forward to the quiet. As much as he enjoys the background noise of life, it's distracting when he's trying to focus on his music. The tempo and energy are completely different.

"Hey."

He looks up, hands continuing to play automatically. The student's tall and sweaty; his shirt sticks to his back. Chanyeol recognizes him only in passing. He's a friend of Joonmyun's, but pretty much everyone is a friend of Joonmyun's.

"Hello. Good game."

"Oh, you saw? Thanks." He gestures to the bench under Chanyeol's foot. "You mind?"

"Knock yourself out." Chanyeol drops his foot to the cement pad and sits upright, playing all the while.

"Are you a music student?"

There’s a snarky reply on his tongue, but some people do actually just play for fun, so Chanyeol nods. "Yeah." Manners points to an opening to introduce himself. Be friendly, even if he wants to be alone. "Park Chanyeol."

"Wu Yifan. I'm here for basketball." He pulls his headband down around his neck and drags a hand through his hair. His fingers are long and slender, like a pianist's.

"I can see why." Chanyeol smiles. "You played really well; that last shot was incredible!"

The conversation falls to a lull, then, and Chanyeol doesn't mind. Yifan fidgets a little, watching him, his hands, and the other courts. A bird whistles behind them, startled by a squirrel running up the tree trunk with an acorn in its mouth.

A strong breeze blows Chanyeol’s hair into his eyes and carries the sickeningly sweet stench of sweat.

Yifan passes his water bottle between his hands, gesturing vaguely. "Do you know Kim Joonmyun?"

Chanyeol hums, nodding slowly as he tries to split his attention between playing and talking. "He's a friend. Seems like he knows everyone."

"Right? I honestly thought he was in some political science major, but―."

"Business administration isn't much different? He's very good at what he does, but it just makes me want to make life difficult for him. Real experience for the workplace, you know? Not everyone will want to follow Fearless Leader, no matter how handsome he is."

Yifan grins. He's ready to say something when his phone rings, a hip hop tune Chanyeol doesn't recognize. He returns his attention to his guitar. He's not sure when he stopped playing, but he doesn't want to seem like he's eavesdropping on Yifan's conversation.

He answers in Mandarin, though. Chanyeol nearly flunked out of Mandarin and had switched to Japanese in high school.

The call ends with a long sigh.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just tired. That was my tutor, yelling at me for missing a session. I like these back courts, because you can't see them from the library windows, but apparently this bench is visible."

"Oh. Sorry."

"It's my own fault. I just wanted to say hi." He stands and pulls his elbow so his forearm extends down his back. "See you around, Chanyeol. It was nice meeting you."

"Bye." Chanyeol tries to focus on his music again, but he pulls his phone from his pocket and texts Joonmyun.

**who's wu yifan?**

_a giant nerd_ He frowns at the reply.

**give joonmyun hyung his phone baekhyun.**

_:'(_

_Yifan's a friend. Do you know him?_

**met him today. i was just curious.**

_He's nice but can give a scary first impression._

_I keep telling him to smile more._

_Did you like him?_

**he's nice.** Chanyeol leaves it at that. The second-to-last thing he wants is for Joonmyun to think he _like_ likes someone; the very last thing he wants is for Joonmyun to mention it when Baekhyun's around, because he'll inevitably tell Jongdae, and they'll pester him to death while letting the entire campus know of his supposed first crush. They all know he doesn't date, but they don't know why. Chanyeol hasn't told them that the very thought of meeting someone he actually really likes makes him want to throw up. His chest tightens; he can’t breathe, and he just feels absolutely miserable.

His hands are shaking when he puts his phone on silent and picks up the neck of his guitar again. The notes are weak and off-key, but the familiar repetition calms him down. He plays louder, notes stronger and fingers more confident, as though he can drown out the world and everything in it until all that's left is his music.

They take Baekhyun out that weekend to celebrate his leaving his cave of solitude and returning Jongdae's bed. Baekhyun drags Kyungsoo along, and Joonmyun is invited with a subtext of paying for everything while also keeping them all under control, although it's Kyungsoo who backs up his motherly concern with muscle.

He has Chanyeol in a headlock for picking on Jongdae when Baekyun hollers across the parking lot. "Fan hyung!" He jumps to his toes and waves. "Come out with us!"

Yifan comes when called, but Baekhyun's volume doesn't lessen a whole lot. He latches onto the older student's arm and starts walking. "They're treating me because of my breakup. Come with."

"Are you sure?"

"Joonmyun hyung's paying. No worries."

Joonmyun nods and shrugs when Yifan looks at him. Kyungsoo releases Chanyeol when he taps out. Baekhyun detaches from Yifan and grabs Kyungsoo's arm, and Yifan falls in step beside Chanyeol, bringing up the rear of the little group.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. He's stronger than he looks." He tilts his head back, gesturing vaguely to ask if there was a bruise. Yifan shakes his head. "We're not taking you from something important, are we? Baekhyun just kind of kidnapped you."

"It's fine. I was just going to go to my room."

"Hyung!" Baekhyun beckons Yifan to the front of the group. Joonmyun takes his place, smiling warmly at Chanyeol.

"What?"

"He likes you."

Chanyeol leans down and hisses, " _What_?!"

"Yifan hyung has been asking me about you." Joonmyun's smile falls. He recognizes Chanyeol's expression. "It's not a bad thing, Chanyeol."

"I don't like it."

"Is it because he's a boy? I can tell him―"

"It's not that. I don't care about that, but I just... I don't want to lead him on." It's not a lie; it's not the whole truth. "You know I don't date."

"But I don't know why. If it's something I can help with, I want to."

"You can't."

"Everyone deserves to be happy, Chanyeol."

"And why does the world assume we need someone else in order to be happy? Are we just miserable until then? Because that's a shitty way to live." He turns around and heads back, ignoring Baekhyun and Jongdae calling after him. He hears Joonmyun make an excuse that he's not feeling well before tucking earbuds into his ears and turning up music on his phone.

The guilt over skipping out on an evening to cheer up his friend is squashed by anxiety and blossoming dislike of Wu Yifan.

He apologies over text the next morning; Baekhyun forgives him with a sympathetic hug, but Jongdae looks at him strangely.

"Yifan hyung was worried about you."

Chanyeol tugs his sweatshirt over his head. His hair sticks up with static electricity, glowing near blond in the bright morning light from the window. "He doesn't need to be. I'm fine. I just felt bad last night; I didn't think drinking or anything would really be a good idea." He shifts gears and deflects, "I just feel bad for skipping out."

Jongdae doesn't look convinced. Maybe Joonmyun said something weird to him last night. He smiles suddenly, clapping a hand on Chanyeol's shoulder. "Long as you're better now. I can only be a nurse for so long before demanding wages."

"I buy you lunch all the time."

"I'm not so simple to accept only food as compensation. My time and skills are valuable, you know." Jongdae leans over his bed, looking for something out the window. "You'd better hurry."

"Why? My class starts in twenty minutes."

"Hyung's already waiting for you." Chanyeol leaned over Jongdae and saw Yifan sitting on the front steps of their dorm, headphones over his ears and backpack between his feet.

"How does he know I have class now?" Their conversations haven't been anything substantial; he's certain he only mentioned his major and nothing else.

Jongdae shrugs and slithers under Chanyeol's arm. "Maybe someone told him when he asked."

"Jongdae."

"I've gotta go meet some high schoolers for a tour. See you later―" Chanyeol catches him and wrestles him until they fall on Jongdae's bed. Held in a tight octopus hold, Jongdae stops struggling and confesses that he might have told Yifan a little bit of Chanyeol's schedule. "It's obvious he likes you! I didn't see any harm in it. We all think it's cute. He's like a giant puppy; he's perfect for you."

"Does no one think of my feelings when doing stuff like this?"

"You've never dated. We know. We're in _college_ , now―free from teenage curfews―.”

“And legal restrictions!” Baekhyun adds, grabbing a sweatshirt that may or may not be his and leaving.

“You're not completely ugly..." He jumps at the savage pinch to his side. "What's the big deal? Maybe it won't work out; maybe it will. Can't you give him a chance before completely breaking his hopes and dreams?"

"That's all that comes from any of this." Chanyeol lets go of his friend and sits up with his back to the wall. Twice in as many days is too much to ignore. Passing jokes are one thing to laugh off, but his friends are actively meddling with what they must think is an inactive love life. "Literally everyone I know has been burned by ‘ _love_ ’," he sketches quotes with his fingers, "and I don't want that. Ever. My parents are an anomaly, because they’re still together, but even they have hurt each other." It still makes him seethe, remembering how his mother had cried after their fight. He loves his dad, but he can’t completely forgive anyone for hurting his mother.

"Chanyeol...sometimes it just happens. If they worked it out, it proves that their love is stronger than anything else, right?”

"And that's uncommon. Look at Baekhyun. He's still in love and was miserable, because she left. That wouldn't have happened if they never got together in the first place."

"Maybe."

"Definitely."

Jongdae rubs his eyes and blinks rapidly as his contacts shift out of place a little. "So you're telling me," he says, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling, "that you're ignoring Yifan hyung and are angry at him because if he likes you, and you hypothetically liked him back, you're both exposed to potential heartbreak."

"People do really stupid things in the name of love, okay? We hear it all the time in music, see it movies..." He's never written a love song except a really ambiguous piano piece that was actually about his childhood pets. His professors loved it.

He drags a Pokemon-patterned throw over himself and huddles into it. "I just don't see any point in it. Why should I open myself so completely to someone else, and why would I want the responsibility of someone else's heart?"

Jongdae fixes his contacts. His eyes are a little pink and watery, and it just makes him look even sadder when he regards Chanyeol with a small frown. "It's scary, but I think it's worth it, because if you're lucky, you find someone you really want to spend your life with. A friend, lover, confidante...everything you could ever need or want in a single person. Bad things may happen, but you can work them out instead of ignoring them or giving up." He pats Chanyeol's leg. 

"You can at least be friends with him. No one's asking you to fall in love with him. If he likes you, though, there's really nothing you can do. They're his feelings." He stands and straightens his clothes. "Just play it by ear. If something happens, you've got me and Baek to back you up. If Yifan hyung tries anything, we'll defend your honor."

Chanyeol kicks him. "Go get the high schoolers lost."

"Just be yourself, Chanyeol." Jongdae rubs his sore butt. "He'll reconsider his feelings when he sees what a meanie you are."

Chanyeol pulls the blanket over his face and lies still for a few more minutes, turning over Jongdae's speech in his mind.

He isn't about to go out and fall in love with the first person he meets, and he still doesn't see the appeal in the vulnerability of "love," but Jongdae is right. Chanyeol can only check himself, and there's no immediate harm in just being friends. He has a lot of friends; they're dumb and obnoxious, but they're solid.

Throwing the blanket aside, Chanyeol lurches to his feet and slings his backpack over his shoulder. Guitar case in hand, he locks the door behind himself and by-passes the elevator for the stairs.

Yifan smiles and raises a hand in greeting when Chanyeol nudges him with his foot. "Waiting for someone?"

"I asked when you had class. I'm the same way, so I thought we could walk together."

"Sure." Chanyeol's stomach twists a little, but he offers a hand to pull Yifan up. “Sorry you had to wait.”

Maybe something will change in the future; for now, he's okay with being friends.


End file.
